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[05 Mar 2006|11:32pm] |
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hey everyone,
its been fun. but i can't do this livejournal thing anymore. i'm sorry if you feel that it's the only connection you have to me, to stay updated on my life. if you feel that way, just pick up the phone and call me to see whats up. i wouldn't mind talking to you.
theres a lot of stuff going on right now in my life and i sure as hell don't want to broadcast it on this thing. i've matured more than that. writing helps thoughts a lot, but i can do it in private instead of on this thing.
i love you all, thank you for beeing there for me whenever i needed you.
goodbye,
_Lauren
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[25 Feb 2006|02:50am] |
something making me happy:
tonight he told me i was "exquisite"
(i dont think i even spelled that right).
but wow. how many times have you had someone call you that? i love it. so different :-) like none other.
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[25 Feb 2006|02:33am] |
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i can't sleep.
tonight was monumental. i should be so happy. and i was at the time, but now im all depressed again. god damnit i thought i was done with this. when will this fucking stop hurting. i would pay anything.
he doesnt deserve me being like this, i should be happy. and when im with him, i truly am :-)
im just in such a weird mood.
and i feel like a fucking failure. i just ate probably 10 lbs worth of food by myself while watching 24. disgusting.
i cant believe you fucking did this to me.
i dont know what else to say
i think im quitting livejournal.
at least publically.
i like writing my thoughts but #1 no one really gives a damn and #2 if youre my friend you would ask me what was going on in my life and not just read it on some blog.
sorry that i'm being so cynical.
bye.
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[20 Feb 2006|08:29pm] |
i want to be a stripper...
hahahaha
except not lose any dignity. or feel dirty.
yeah ok.
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[15 Feb 2006|11:25pm] |
are you sure you want to delete the selected items?
YES------NO
yes.
.
fin.
bye...
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[14 Feb 2006|11:01pm] |
so this valentines day turned out to not suck so much after all :-)
i went home early because i was feeling really dizzy and shaky and was saying weird things.
then i was in a reeally depressed mood (probly because it was vday) and my mom told me i should go out and do something
so i drastically cut my bangs
omg i look really different (to me at least)
haha ill put the pics on myspace
they look kinda weird but i love the change
sooo i had a reeeeeeeeally long talk with jack at unos. that went well and we got like every topic of conversation covered haha.
then kate and lisa showed up and we were all dressed up and looked HOT hahhaha
then i went home...and erich surprised me at my house and brought me lavendar flowers and mardi gras gifts (porcelain mardi gras doll and a masquerade mask)
yayyyyy to my only vday present!
i love my friends :-)
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[14 Feb 2006|04:29pm] |
i'm sinking further into this hole of depression/nothingness.
and i hate it.
and i accidentally O.D. on the pills i have to take after the emergency room last night.
so i'm reallyyy drowsy.
fuck valentines day.
hopefully tonight will be good though :-)
i wish i couldve gone to lax today but the dr told me not to :-(
i wish everyone would stop breaking up with everyone and that we could just all be happy.
haha. last year it was great (minus the few stages i went through)
this year is just ridiculously filled with drama/sad/depression.
some happiness but not as much as i'd like/as much as last year
i cant believe i'm doing this to myself.
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[14 Feb 2006|01:25am] |
Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough
You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
We fight all the time
You and I... that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need... I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can you hear me when I Sing,
you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me
Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
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[13 Feb 2006|11:38pm] |
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soo working out was not such a good idea...
i burned 207 calories in 12 minutes.
then i got in my car and started freaking out beacuse my whole body itched like crazy and i started scratching my neck so hard that it started to bleed.
i dont even remember how i drove myself home.
but i got home and ran to my mom and fell down and the next thing i knew was that i was in the shower and hyperventialing.
so i went to the new emergency room on bee caves and i was the only patient and they had to wake up the doctor and everything haha. but he was nice. he drew a heart with his nail on my arm because he said when someone gets skin reactions, it leaves pink scrapes or something on your skin. so that was my weird valentine haha.
but yeah he thinks i just had some weird allergic reaction...that was serious enough for me to have to take 12 pills tonight. 2 of them which will knock me out right after i take them. so i dont think im going to school tomorrow until 4th period or something.
wow what a WEIRD night. i know better now to not work out so intensely after something happens in my life haha.
ok time to study for a spanish quiz...
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[13 Feb 2006|08:20pm] |
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is it weird that i've started listening to marilyn manson a lot?
it's partially brandt's fault though so i'll blame it on him...
god i can't wait until the nine inch nails concert.
and all american rejects/fall out boy/hawthorne heights
fucking incredible.
i feel like a failure. my SAT scores were worse than theyve ever been. whatever.
yeah today was weird...
i went to the mall after school though and bought tons of stuff...including vday presents.
fuck valentines day. damnit i wanna go out with guys but im not going to. its gonna be me and katie :-)
haha this is the first time since 5th grade that i won't have a real valentine.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh just got off the phone with him.
and i did something....
but im gonna let the rest out by working out
haha ive never worked out this late. im so excited, i have so many feelings that need to be let out. and so many cals to burn haha
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| SPRING BREAAAAAAK |
[12 Feb 2006|12:25pm] |
ok so the spring break plans are finalized!
(this entry meant for kate by the way so that we can synchroniiiiize at least some of our trip!)
Friday March 3rd
school ends @1.
take plane around 3:00 to NYC
Saturday March 4th
shop all day in NYC
Sunday March 5th
take train to Albany
Monday March 6th
visit Skidmore
Tuesday March 7th
visit Vassar and Fairfield
Wednesday March 8th
visit University of Connecticut
drive to Holyoke
Thursday March 9th
visit Mt. Holyoke
Friday March 10th
BOSTON!!
visit Tufts
Saturday and Sunday
hang ouuuuuuut
Monday March 13th
visit Boston College
Tuesday March 14th
visit Boston University
(with hunter!! :-D )
fly back the night of the 14th and get here around 11:30 p.m.
thennnnnnnnn...CHRISTINE comes to visit and stay for a week!
:-)
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[12 Feb 2006|01:57am] |
i just helped 3 friends with their love lives.
1 of them being hugely critical.
and i helped :-)
yay i feel important
i looooooooooooooooooove friends
especially my significant other ;-)
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[10 Feb 2006|04:05pm] |
So scream, I heard about your message,
and how it reeked of your indifference.
It bleeds horizontal straight from your wrists.
(So scream louder now.)
I'm bound to come around, I'm bound.
(I'm bound to come around.)
Well can't you, can't you feel it
rollin' off your lips, tensing up your shoulders.
Come on, say it.
Well it's love.
(It's love.)
Make it hurt.
(I deserve it.)
Well it's love.
(It's love.)
Make it hurt.
(I deserve it.)
Well it's love, it's love, it's love.
Make it hurt.
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[09 Feb 2006|10:06pm] |
also,
i apologize to any friends that i neglected while i was in a relationship.
i miss paul. i used to consider him my best guy friend.
i haven't talked to him since he got with her.
jerk.
but i understand...
but still.
jerk.
oh well. haha i love the new group of people i hang out with.
but theres a problem
THEYRE ALL LEAVING NEXT YEAR
thats another thing.
im fucking sick and tired of people leaving me. i never leave anyone.
john left for college, the warners left back to new orleans, chris alex erich etc. are leaving, erich not even coming back here on breaks probably, goddddddddd what is next.
i guess thats one of my biggest fears part.
i'm tired of all it hurting when people that come into my life make huge impacts and then just leave.
but on a lighter note...
erich got into college!
and so did alex (notre dame and waiting on GU)
sweeeeeeeeet.
ok bye.
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[09 Feb 2006|09:40pm] |
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i miss david.
i want to go to new orleans.
i can't wait until mardi gras.
i love 24. and i'm not going to get into college because of it. i have a test tomorrow and i'm watching 24 instead.
i had 1000 calories worth of bagels this morning. ug
i feel so gross for not working out today. i got so used to it and then didn't do it for a while then went again yesterday with katie. then not going today i dont know made me feel unaccomplished or something.
lax starts monday. is it weird that i'm going to be playing the same sport as my brother? i don't even know if i'm going to have time for it all yet.
yesterday was fun. katie and i got our cars washed (pictures on that later when i upload them...)
wow that was so fun, i was a virgin to car washing. it was quite amazing...
then took showers at kates house. thennn went to dragon gate with erich and alex. haha that was fun as well.
:-)
valentines day is coming up. GREAT. oh MAN am i excited. all my friends better get me some chocolate. i plan to get fat that day.
fuck valenties day. unless someone feels like taking me out. contrary to popular belief, i would love it if it were a girl friend.
*cue kate/any others*
i have a HUGE ring tan. it's insane.
oh yeah i just realized i never updated about cabo.
...i will when i upload the pictures.
but it was amazing and so relaxing and now i have a nice tan :-P
major feelings (in list from greatest to least)
1. fear
2. happiness
3. anger
4. sadness
i think 2 and 3 are tied. which makes for an interesting situation.
FUCK
A;OERHSUALIERU,GA;IUEGASIEURGASIERUASER
i need to go to the culdasak with my favoritessssss
hahahahha im going to go emo. i told you it was coming.
just you wait
enhry iggins!
ok enough of that.
WOW this is the randomest entry of my life.
ok time for studying/24
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[09 Feb 2006|12:18am] |
was it worth it?
would i go back and change it all, knowing what i know now?
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